Showing Up

I broke up with my first really good friend in high school. She got a mystery illness. I didn’t know what to say, so I disappeared. When she came back to school after a semester away, she wasn’t interested in picking up where we left off.

I didn’t show up for her, and she noticed.

I wish I could say that the experience taught me the life lesson I needed, and ever since I have consistently been there for every friend when life throws them a curve. I generally do better now than before. My first instinct is to avoid the issue (and unfortunately sometimes the person!), because I don’t know what to do/say/feel/express.

According to Emily McDowell, I’m not the only one. And she’s really good at helping. Emily, an incredibly talented and funny artist, illustrator and writer with a terrific business, created Empathy Cards to help us all express something authentic when bad things happen.

Today I opened my brand spanking new copy of Emily’s book, co-written with Kelsey Crowe, Ph.D. There is No Good Card for This: What to Say and Do When Life is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love is my new textbook for how to show up when I don’t know how to do it myself.

We all need this book.  The authors eloquently remind us of this fact in the introduction, titled “Life Spoiler Alert: Bad Things Happen.”

This is a tool to give us a game plan to stay connected, however awkwardly. To make sure that we are there to support one another, authentically, even when there’s nothing we can do or say to make things better.

I like to think that, if I had read this book 20 years ago, perhaps my friend and I would have stayed friends.

Today, though, I know for sure that it’s given me great insight, made me laugh, and provided me with a blueprint for those most awkward of times, when we need each other the most.